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I think struggling with consistency is an almost universally shared human problem. It remains an elusive problem for me. I’m consistent with a few things that I don’t necessarily enjoy doing while it’s happening but enjoy after the fact; like weightlifting. But the only reason I can do that is because I have someone waiting for me at the gym at 7am who’s going to be real mad if I don’t show up. I know that in a lot of cases I need external accountability to stay consistent. But some of the things I really want to do don’t have any external accountability and also I think it’s important to learn how to be consistent without outside expectation.
I feel a lot of shame when I struggle to be consistent on things I know I’ve scoped well and that I actually enjoy. Take my newsletter. I’ve been writing it for 4 (almost 5!) years now. I love it. I love doing the research for it. I love figuring out how I’m going to frame information. I have a framework, I have a template, I have a timeline because it’s something I committed to doing every week.
And throughout the year I’ll have a couple months where I’m on point. I’m doing the thing. Even when I’m working on one that’s difficult I’m still doing it. And then it’s like I trip and fall and I struggle so much with standing up again. When that happens it’s like this little shame hobgoblin following me around. This isn’t me complaining (okay, I’m complaining a little), but really more questioning and trying to understand. I don’t understand why this happens. Why is there so much resistance to starting work on something I like and will give me a sense of accomplishment once I’ve done it? What do I need to change to create a more positive and consistent cycle?
I’ve read quite a bit about how we have a limited amount of willpower, how we wear ourselves out by not scoping correctly, and how our expectation of perfection stops us from even starting. And I do think there’s an element of just doing it. Just muscling through and getting it done. But I read something recently that mentioned that if we say we “don’t feel like doing the thing,” then really that’s just giving ourselves an out to not do it. That’s a perspective I haven’t thought of before. And I know that the words we use to speak to ourselves matter. How we talk to ourselves matters even more than how we talk about ourselves to others, I think.
I often say to myself “I should do this but I don’t feel like it right now”. But I very rarely feel like sitting down, opening my computer and starting research. Usually there’s something that prompts it first, like a question that just pops into my head or an article I just read or a picture. Timing matters, too. I write best when I first get up or late at night. In both cases I find that my brain’s a little slow and fuzzy, which seems to help me write because I can’t overthink things as much when my brain’s only half there.
I also think I get weighed down by the expectation of what I’m writing. I want it to be perfect. I want it to be engaging. All I’m looking for is a master’s level thesis, written in an hour and a half with proper references and citations that’s both compelling and inspiring, while maintaining approachability. Really. Am I asking too much?
I guess I’m starting to see the problem.
So I think my plan for this week. No, nope, scratch that wishy washy language. Let me rephrase.
This week I’m going to set a timer for one hour each morning to work on my newsletter on one of the topics in my content calendar. Yes, I have a content calendar. No, it hasn’t fixed me. But at the end of the week I will publish the thing. It does not have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to be good. It just can’t be completely wrong. And I think that’s a good enough place to (re)start.
In a moment of true irony and existential misery, you would not believe how difficult it was for me to stay consistent enough to just write this post today, a mere 800 words. We almost didn’t make it y’all, but we did it in the end.
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